Best Band Ever. Period.

you never realize how far down youre spiraling until you wake up Sunday morning with your makeup smeared halfway down your face. soon after, you realize you're in love with a mini-geek with a napoleon complex, who thinks you are clinically insane. and now that you think about it, you havnt taken your meds in weeks. you feel unhappy. but free. and you wish you werent alone in that big brass bed of yours. but something makes you smile to yourself because you just gotta love it. because the silky smooth liquid noise streaming into your ears makes it all fine.
until you see his name...and all your dreams are waking up.

i love fashion. and feist.

whispers in my ear and i cant find the source
check my pulse
the music is playing and i mistake it for life.
i wouldnt have noticed that thing on your arm
if it wasnt for the lights

most of the time we are synthetic girls.
hoping for sunshine to reach our deepest, darkest places.
never going after what we want. 
we lure them in with our charcoal eyes and messy hair.
they never stay long.
because with one breath we can make them cry.
one glance can kill.
we roam around and around, searching for nothing.
making friends along the way, but nothing seems to make us smile.
and they always talk.
"why do they always cry?"
because there's stuff to cry about.
and we never seem to see the chandelier at the end of the hallway.


 

todays song:
"Whats Your Damage?"
~ Test Icicles
from For Screening Purposes Only

This song makes me very angry. I love it. 
"PLEASE BE QUIET SO I CAN SLEEP TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN NOTHING IS RIGHT???!!!!!!!!"
"I just dont know."




sam is soooo yummy. 

todays song: 
"Mama's Room"
~Under the Influence of Giants
from Heaven is Full EP

This song is kinda old for me.  I had it last summer but I revived it from the forgotten songs pile and brought it back to the SEXY SONGS OF 07 playlist.
I dont think it gets much sexier than "makin' love in mama's room." 

:D

i finished harry potter this morning.  it was sooo good.  the ending is SOOOO CUTE.

poor dobby....:D

song of the day:
"Falling Apart"
~The Lovemakers
from Times of Romance

"how come i don't love you but your still breaking my heart?"
ARRRRG i love these dudes.  this song is so energizing and can get me through anything. 
i swear by it.  the harmony is amazing.


*******
Today I had a cute little Saturday.  I slept in, of course, and then read in Harry Potter a bit.  (my godmother is bugging me to finish it).  Then my trainer/friend Keri came and trained me @ my house...as opposed to the gym...its was really weird but fun.  Then I went swimming at my grandparents house and sun-bathed for a while.  then we went to dinner at the country club. i thought about God.  then i thought about how flat my stomach was.  i thought it was a little too fat to turn on an older man...but then i decided that i was too skinny so i ate a grandma-made sugar cookie... those tend to make me feel better. 
okay now i HAVE to finish harry potter!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like seriously i almost cried when dobby died.  he was always my fav. 

its officially the middle of summer and i'm soooo not looking forward to going back to school.  I hate being at work because it depresses the hell outta me...but i'm getting paid so whatever, you know?  
i got the new tegan and sara CD and its so freaking good.   I just want to listen to it every second the day.  i keep singing it too.  today i need to write more of my book and then look for new music because i'm getting bored of all the shit i've been listening too.  

I also need to stop posting deep shit and start an actual journal.  because deep shit...is well, deep and depressing.  i dont feel like everything can be laid out in front of me...so i have to get over it and screw it. 

Lola is on the floor shes wanting more
am i wrong for loving lola?
am i wrong for what i think?
She is such a wicked  child.
Painted face, dirty knees
{{{{{{{LOLITA by Elefant}}}}}}}

This is wrong
It cant be right.
I just want to kiss you and make it all stop, once and for all.  
You used to be off limits...now your off...free game. playmate. 
Now it seems you dont notice me. You did...but now its different. 
Sidelong glances, and beautiful, sleazy smiles. 
I just want to jump on top of you and tell you exactly what your doing to me. 
because you have no idea. 
because i feel like singing and twirling and sticking out my chest when your around. 
because i forget about what i love in front of you...sometimes its easier that way. 
because i forget whats acceptable and whats unacceptable. 
because i think i know you when i know nothing. 
because i want out of this so badly i will do anything to escape.  

is it wrong loving you?
I just lap up the darting little eyes, the husky voice you use with me.
I just love the sleazy looks and the blatant need for infidelity. 
I love knowing its not true love.
I love knowing its not forever.
I love knowing it means nothing to either of us.
I love knowing its sleazy, wrong, bitter. 
I love knowing I want to kiss you.
I love knowing you want to kiss back. 
I love knowing i'm turning into the person i dont want to become.
I love knowing I dont give a shit. 
I love knowing your not perfect. 
I love knowing I'm perfect in your eyes.
I love knowing I'm lolita.
How come I dont know you but your still breaking my heart? 

if i looked as ugly as i felt...
no one would talk to me. 

if everyone is doing it does that make it okay?
you can tell yourself a lot of shit but does that make it okay? right? normal? decent?
you can make up excuses and make up stories and tell yourself whatever you want.
you can say your a high powered business man and you deserve a little treat once and a while but does that make you less married?
you can make up all the excuses in the world for yourself...just to comfort yourself...but it doesnt comfort anyone else.
you meant something to me...and then you crushed my hope my only role model. you effect people.

I totally and completely lied when I said I was okay. Its funny how one thing one piece of news can change everything...





your life.

i want solace.

What are you afraid of?

i'm afraid of myself. i can't be alone with myself for too long or else i start thinking about all the things i'm not supposed to.
i have to keep busy or else i will go insane.

i'm also afraid of spiders and crickets. and being without music for too long. and starting high school.

i got the blue ones in the top right corner. they are kick ass.  i like the purple too. 

.

i feel dizzy. i want a nice place to rest my head.
i want ur shoulder. u should always be there.
thats kinda your job, isnt it ? 

What do you do if you hate everything that you do? Everything you feel? Everything you love?

Think your a perv?
Just look @ all the others.

Think your poor?
Just look @ all the others.

Think your outta his league?
Well, you are.

Want to scream your voice away?
Go ahead. No one gives a fuck.

Feel horrible? SHitty? ALone as hell?
Blast "Charming the Flames" by Fields and you'll feel worse.

Want to kill the one person you love?
Yea, me 2.

Wore a hole in her skin, now all the boys look in
Is there anybody in there?

Tragedy Bound
Now she's stuck
She can't even care enough to fuck
She's cutting herself just to see if it works
Is there anybody in there?

All her life, she's bound to lose
Tragedy bound
If I met this man
Whout would I say? How could I speak
How could I speak

You heard the band belting out salty lyrics but you couldnt savor that now.
Your task was finding the nearest bar and getting a strong drink in your hands.
Nicotine and alcohol are coarsing through your veins. And for once, you are okay.
A Melodic tune fills your ears and suddenly you want to makeout with the lead.
You can't see on account of the strobe lights and blackness.
Little shot glass in your hand, you embarke on your journey alone.
A swig, another, and another. Your getting dizzy. But theres no time.
The beat is the beat of your heart. You are one with the noise. It fills you, completes you, makes you, shapes you.
Your boy is nowhere in sight. A swig. You are staring at the lead. You think you love him.
Your boy. A swig. The song is over and the band is leaving. Part of your soul leaves with them.
"pretty little thing." he says to you. The rest of your drink finds itself soaking his oxford.
You feel good. You just puked on the bouncer, damn. You reassure yourself...that in fact...you are in control.